Meredith Willson did say it well, in his holiday classic, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas“:

A pair of Hopalong boots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Dolls that’ll talk and will go for a walk
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.

There’s much to unpack in this single quoted section. We need less guns in this world of ours. And, as a father of a young girl, I support women wanting for more from their Christmas lists, beyond patriarchally projected ideas of creepy dolls that talk and possibly walk.

But there is a truth also in these words expressed. If you have young children at home right now then you’re probably much like me right now. I would like school to start now. Like, right now. This very second. Not a precious sliver of time to be lost!

I love my kids – truly I do – but enough is enough. Too much chaos. Too much yelling and screaming. Too much emoting that life is boring, all the while surrounded by a seemingly endless gift bounty secretly given to them in the hopes of entertaining them during the break from school.

While I don’t generally condone the use of profanity in popular holiday tunes, and there is no time left for Mr. Meredith to act on my suggestions, I offer up some alternative last lines that would have truly captured the moment, the angst, the innermost desires of parents everywhere.

And Mom and Dad can fucking hardly wait for school to start again.

And Mom and Dad can hardly fucking wait for school to start again.

And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for fucking school to start again.

Clearly the social mores of the 1950’s prevented proper use of the versatile and powerful F bomb and limited Mr. Meredith’s true potential. Pray that others are not so limited going forward, when attempting to reflect properly the thoughts and dreams of parents locked up at home with their Christmas Break crazy kids.